Memories

December 1st, 2009

It’s been a long but productive day!

Something I realized today .. well, I knew it … but I guess a reminder came my way. Writing songs, in my case any way is a way of preserving memories, depending on what the song is about.
Even if I have songs that never make it on to one of my CD’s … they are memories for me & to pass on to my children. I wll have them to remember things & they will have them to remember me by.
I got a new toy today … a new music software program … has drum, guitar & keyboard looks. I also remembered that my son’s keyboard USB cord was in a drawer … so now we can record directly from the keyboard to the computer. YAYYYY!!!
I had a really kool dream last night … well actually I had a few but one in particular … I can’t wait to see how it plays out in a song!!!

Angry Levine or Alanis More-upset

November 30th, 2009

Well it appears like the “On A Personal Note” CD will have a lot of “in your face” type songs. It’s not that I’m angry though … it’s just that some of the songs are about sensitive subjects. They deal with people who make wrong assumptions & judgments … so the lyrics come off as angry or in your face when really, they’re just to make people think. I’d made a comment to a few people about coming off like Angry Levine or Alanis More-upset … LOL (no, that is not a slam against either one of them … I actually really like both singers).

I have found myself diving in to music written by realists lately. I’m enjoying it & think I’m sold on that type of art. Is it a “phase” ? I hope not .. I hope to find more artists like that to add to my favorites. Any suggestions? It doesn’t matter what genre … I like styles you’ve probably never even heard of LOL (or at least wouldn’t listen to).
Imagine a world with no music … no, don’t. That is a sad thought!!!

Hi self, meet self

November 29th, 2009

I am so blessed and thankful for this creative wave that hasn’t crashed. Every once in a while it will appear to be ending but the wind picks up & carries me farther. Thank you, Lord for strong winds and water that flows!

As I write for the, “On A Personal Note” CD, I’m learning more and more about myself. Some of the things, I’ve already known and am enjoying the gentle reminders … but other things I had no clue. To say it’s odd to be introduced to myself is an understatement! I am thrilled though … in the fact that I really do like who am I & who I am becoming!
I find that I don’t have time to do all the things needed in order to get everything in place for the CD’s to be released in February. I am having to hire out a lot of jobs … which I really can’t afford .. but am trusting God fully to provide the needs.

Dream on …

November 27th, 2009

Some one recently asked me what stops me from reaching my dreams … quite honestly, nothing but time at this point in life. I am moving toward my dreams daily whether or not I have “reached” them yet. There was a time I would have answered differently though. I’m sure I could/would/probably did give all kinds of excuses:

  • money
  • my health
  • my weight
  • being a parent
  • blah blah blah blah

I have pondered this quite often and in great depth .. no matter what excuse given, it all boiled down to me. ME .. huh, what a concept! Me … being the one getting in the way of my dreams. Allow me to show you how …

- Money … instead of investing it in myself, my talents & the gifts that God gave me, it went in to companies/products to sell.
- Money (2) … “but we can’t afford it …” BULL! There are plenty things to do, to raise money to put in to your dreams. Give up that special once a week/month snack you buy for yourself … recycle cans/bottles/metals etc for extra cash … use your talent to make extra money in smaller ways (being a song writer, I can write articles/books/poetry & songs for people) …
- Health … I neglected my health for years, blinded by the lie that a mother always has to put her family first. By the time every one was taken care of, I didn’t have the energy to take care of me. Things change!
- Weight … in the theme of health, yes … but a bit different for me. As the weight packed on, my thoughts would move in to, “wow, you’re too heavy for the industry now.” Simon Cowell has made sure we know his opinion of heavy set women in the industry. I can’t blame him though … I blame myself for being convinced. I’m working on losing weight & getting healthy … but even so, I don’t believe the lies any more.
- Being a parent … I was told by quite a few people that I couldn’t have my dreams & raise children. I sure believed that … for many years. Now that I really think about it though .. why not??? There are TONS of parents in the industry … some take their children (and spouses) with them every where they go. Some keep their children at home so as to not be out in public eye very often. What ever way they have chosen to do it, they are doing it … and it’s working for them. I don’t believe that lie any more either.
No matter what gets in my way, it’s up to me to jump the hurdle & ignore the lies.
So … what’s stopping you from reaching your dreams?

Thanksgiving Bouquet of Thorns

November 26th, 2009


Thanksgiving Bouquet of Thorns:

Sandra felt as low as the heels of her Birkenstocks as she pushed against a November gust and the florist shop door.

Her life had been easy, like a spring breeze. Then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her ease.

During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son. She grieved over her loss. As if that weren’t enough her husband’s company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come. What’s worse, Sandra’s friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. Had she lost a child? No! She has no idea what I’m feeling, thought Sandra with a shudder. Thanksgiving? Thankful for what? she wondered. For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of her child?

“Good afternoon, can I help you?” The flower shop clerk’s approach startled her. “Sorry,” said Jenny, “I just didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you.”

“I….I need an arrangement,” stammered Sandra.

“For Thanksgiving?” Sandra nodded.

“Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the Thanksgiving Special.” Jenny saw Sandra’s curiosity and continued. “I’m convinced that flowers tell stories, that each arrangement insinuates a particular feeling. Are you looking for something that conveys gratitude this Thanksgiving?”

“Not exactly!” Sandra blurted. “Sorry, but in the last five months, everything that could go wrong has.” Sandra regretted her outburst but was surprised when Jenny said, “I have the perfect arrangement for you.”

The door’s small bell suddenly rang. “Barbara! Hi, let me get your order,” Jenny said. She politely excused herself from Sandra and walked toward a small workroom. She quickly reappeared carrying a massive arrangement of greenery, bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses. Only, the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped, no flowers.

“Want this in a box?” Jenny asked.

Sandra watched for Barbara’s response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems and no flowers! She waited for laughter, for someone to notice the absence of flowers atop the thorny stems, but neither woman did.

“Yes, please. It’s exquisite,” Barbara replied with an appreciative smile. “You’d think after three years of getting the special, I’d not be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again.” She gently tapped her chest. “My family will love this one. Thanks.”

Sandra stared. Why so normal a conversation about so strange an arrangement? she wondered. “Uh,” said Sandra, pointing. “That lady just left, it, uhm…uh..”

“Yes?”

“Well, you gave her no flowers!”

“Right, I cut off the flowers.”

“Cut them off?”

“Off. Yep. That’s the Special. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet.”

“I just cannot believe people would pay for that!” In spite of herself she chuckled.

“Do you really want to know why?”

“I couldn’t leave this shop without knowing. I’d think of nothing else!”

“That might be good,” mused Jenny. “Well,” she continued, “Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling very much like you feel today. She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she faced major surgery.”

“Ooooh!” murmured Sandra.

“That same year, I had lost my husband,” Jenny went on. “I assumed complete responsibility for the shop and for the first time, spent the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel.”

“What did you do?”

“I learned to be thankful for thorns.”

Sandra’s eyebrows lifted. “Thorns?”

“I’m a Christian, Sandra. I’ve always thanked God for good things in life and I never thought to ask Him why good things happened to me, but, when bad stuff hit, did I ever ask! It took time to learn that dark times are important. I always enjoyed the ‘flowers’ of life but it took thorns to show me the beauty of God’s comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we’re afflicted and from His consolation we learn to comfort others.”

Sandra sucked in her breath as she thought about the very thing her friend had tried to tell her. “I guess the truth is I don’t want comfort. I’ve lost a baby and I’m angry with God.”

She started to ask Jenny to “go on” when the door’s bell diverted their attention. “Hey, Phil!” shouted Jenny as a balding, rotund man entered the shop. She softly touched Sandra’s arm and moved to welcome him. He tucked her under his side for a warm hug.

“I’m here for twelve thorny long-stemmed stems!” Phil laughed, heartily.

“I figured as much,” said Jenny, “and I’ve got them ready.” She lifted a tissue-wrapped arrangement from the refrigerated cabinet.

“Beautiful,” exclaimed Phil. “My wife will love them!”

Sandra could not resist asking. “These are for your wife? Do you mind me asking, why thorns?”

“In fact, I’m glad you asked,” Phil replied. “Four years ago my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord’s guidance, we slogged through, problem by rotten problem. He rescued our marriage-our love, really. Last year at Thanksgiving I stopped in here for flowers. I must have mentioned surviving a tough process because Jenny told me that for a long time she kept a vase of rose stems—stems!—as a reminder of what she learned from “thorny” times. That was good enough for me. I took home stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific thorny situation and give thanks for what the problem taught us.”

Phil paid Jenny, thanked her again and as he left, said to Sandra, “I highly recommend the Special!”

“I don’t know if I can be thankful yet for the thorns in my life.” Sandra said to Jenny. “It is still…too fresh.”

“Well,” Jenny replied carefully, “my experience says that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God’s providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Do not resent the thorns.”

Tears rolled down Sandra’s cheeks. For the first time since the accident she loosened her grip on resentment. “I’ll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please.” she managed to choke out.

“I hoped you would,” Jenny said. “I’ll have them ready in a minute. Then, every time you see them, remember to appreciate both good and hard times. We grow through both.”

“Thank you. What do I owe you?”

“Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow our Lord to heal your heart. The first year’s arrangement is always on me.” Jenny smiled and handed a card to Sandra. “I’ll attach a card like this to your arrangement but maybe you’d like to read it first.”

It said:

“My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorns! I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear, teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed to Thee by the path of pain. Show me that my tears have made my rainbow.”


Jenny said, “Happy Thanksgiving, Sandra,” handing her the Special. “I look forward to our knowing each other better.”

Sandra smiled. She turned, opened the door and walked toward hope.


Today I am thankful for my husband, children, my friends, my health, the talents & gifts God has given me, the list could go on. As we celebrate with thankful hearts though, I also thank the Lord for the thorns.
It’s sure not easy to be thankful for our trials though. Is it? I guess it depends on the way you look at things. Why would one be thankful for losing their job? Well, it’s one step closer to the job you’re supposed to have. It also enables you to spend more time with your family … and … it sure helps you be thankful for the next job, what ever that may be.

Without the thorns life would be easy … and nothing gratifying. Be thankful today … for the beautiful roses … and the bouquet of thorns, for out of the thorns emerges the beautiful rose!




Realism

November 25th, 2009

To everyone who prayed for my niece, thank you. She has been found & is safe, as are her husband & children. She called me a little after 1:00 a.m. Thank you Lord, for keeping them all safe!!!

Another song finished .. but the one I finished today won’t be going on the “On A Personal Note” CD. It will go on the worship CD … that one’s actually almost done.
My thoughts are kind of jumbled today … too much swimming around in my brain. Hopefully I’ll get another song started tonight. Well, I’d be thrilled if I could get a FEW more started!!!
I am really glad we have a wave of artists talking about real life, real pain, real problems. We really do need more artists that are willing to step up & sing *real* songs. I want to be known for being real in my music .. for singing & bringing attention to people, real problems.
I look forward to discussing some of “those” issues I mentioned above … soon.

Emotion = creativity

November 25th, 2009

Today has been a whirlwind of a day .. eh, who am I kidding .. this whole year has been a whirlwind! I lost time today though, due to a horrible headache. I did a lot searching for my niece & then laid down in hopes of my headache disappearing. It didn’t completely go away but it’s much more tolerable now.

It’s been an emotional few days for me. It’s good when that happens though. It just feeds my creativity! It’s driving me to search deeper than I ever have for lyrics … through memories, passing thoughts, etc. It’s amazing how God created our minds & hearts to store such detail.
My daughters are developing a passion for singing … and one is even moving in to writing her own lyrics. I can’t tell you how much this blesses me!!! Both are the creative types and I am always watching to see where they use their gifts. One thing I prayed over during my pregnancies (besides that they be healthy) was that each child have an interest in music .. I am truly blessed, as each child really does.

Please help me find my neice!!!

November 23rd, 2009

Jennifer is not biologically my niece but she has called me Auntie Retta since she was knee high to a tadpole. She is married & has 3 children (all boys). No one in the family has been able to contact her for a couple weeks … but they thought maybe her phone had just been disconnected or something & figured she’d call when it was back on. All of her family is out of state so no one could go check. I have been calling and today decided to send a police officer to her home to do a “well check” … and to tell her to call one of us. Her last known address is an empty house. There is no forwarding address as far as the officer could tell (though I don’t know if he contacted the Post Office to check that). I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not sure if she’s in trouble (though I doubt that) … but it’s not like her to not be in contact with one of us for this long. Please pray that where ever she is, that she call me or some one to let us know she is ok. Please pray she, her husband & their 3 boys are all safe. And if you happen to know her … and see her, please tell her to call Auntie Retta.

Thanks!!!


***EDITED TO ADD*** Her, her husband & all 3 of their children are missing. The reason we are concerned even though they are all *missing* is because it is completely out of character for Jennifer to not call some one to check in. She tells us when /if she is moving … etc

Changes

November 23rd, 2009

Today has been extremely busy. Besides writing, I’ve been doing some promotional stuff … getting ready to offer some great items to our street team! Be prepared Street Team. You’re doing a great job & it’s not going unnoticed!

I am also working on a new web site .. so changes are in every direction. I guess that’s what happens. They call it progress!
I’ve been getting some feedback on a few of the songs I’m working on. More changes LOL
Have you checked out the merchandise at the Reverb Store? There’s a new shirt in there. I’m thinking it will be a limited item … so get it while you can.

The elephant in the room

November 21st, 2009

Going shopping this week … we’re needing a new sound board, a couple sets of headphones, microphone cable, extra cable for the headphones & possibly a new pop filter/screen.

I am really excited about the new CD! It seems to be turning in to a discussion about the “elephant in the room.” (Hmmm, have I used that term enough this month? LOL) I really feel like songs shouldn’t always be so jacked up with love, the warm fuzzies and topped off with oohhsss and ahhhsss. There are real life topics that need to be heard. I am thrilled with the few artists that address such topics! The CD is all about my life & experiences I’ve had … and some of the songs turn in to those topics that a lot of people want to sweep under the rug or so harshly judge others for.
Let’s talk about Twitter for a minute. Are you Tweeting? No? Well you should be! There are some really great people, doing GREAT things on there!
- Jewel has trivia games & one of the prizes I’ve seen her give away is an autographed CD. She also offers up free tickets to her concerts … I’m pretty sure every concert, unless it’s sold out.
- Martina McBride gives tickets away to her concert.
- Drew Carey is currently trying to raise money for cancer research.
- Tori Spelling is retweeting messages to help a child with cancer
Twitter isn’t only about chasing Hollywood gossip or chatting with your friends. It just all depends on how you use it. When you sign up, look for me :)